Reaching For Normal Read online

  Military past. The death of friends despite his efforts. The nightmares that haunted him.

  Creating the heroine caused her more trouble. A nurse. Working in emergency. Someone who had seen too much death, too much waste.

  They met at a clinic for the homeless where they were both helping out, her with the physical, him with the emotional. Both trying to heal themselves as much as others.

  Myla's fingers flew as the sparks ignited between the characters. Furtive looks. Interest. More.

  Saving a patient who'd come in with gunshot wounds.

  Her car wouldn't start. He'd take her home.

  Long drive.

  Talking. Sharing.

  Safe in the dark. Easier to face the unfaceable.

  Stopping outside her home.

  Parking.

  Touching. Finally touching.

  Tasting.

  Savoring.

  Lights flashed in Myla's vision, cutting through the dark and pulling her out of the story.

  Headlights.

  A car finished the turn onto the B&B’s road, handling the icy curves with ease, then drove right on past.

  Not Sawyer. Not anyone who wanted to stop and tell her what had happened out there.

  Myla shoved away from the desk. To heck with sitting and waiting. To heck with hanging back. Time to be the one pushing, asking, and demanding.

  She ignored the tremble in her hand and the voice in her head screaming that she needed to sleep before making life-changing decisions and grabbed Darby’s keys.

  As a teen, she’d never snuck out of the house. She’d held back then, too. She’d never had a group to hang out with, never been part of a gang of girls who had slumber parties. Never snuck out to go parking with a guy.

  Her foster homes had rarely lasted a year, not enough time to truly fit in. And, as long as sleep deprivation was making her honest, she hadn’t put that much effort into fitting in. Not when she’d known she’d be moving soon. It was too hard to leave friends behind. So much easier to not make them in the first place. Safer.

  Which brought her back to Bloo Moose and Sawyer. Something about the town and the people was different. Or, they’d made her different.

  As it was after three in the morning, she kept her steps quiet and held Darby’s keys tightly so they wouldn’t jangle. The giddiness of doing something illicit was silly. She was an adult. If she wanted to traipse around in the middle of the night, she was allowed. Not that she was sure what traipsing was.

  Stifling a giggle, Myla crept through the kitchen, left a note for Darby, and slipped through the back door.

  The air was icy and she briefly considered going back for her coat. The cowardly part of her told her to head back inside to bed. Instead, she grabbed the railing to head down the stairs. The fierce cold surprised her as it penetrated her skin and seeped right down to her bones.

  Thankful she’d slipped on the boots, Myla shuffled to Darby’s car, cranked the ignition and the heat, wondering if she was about to make a massive fool of herself.

  Surprisingly, the snow made the streets less slippery but Myla was still shaking with nerves by the time she reached the turnoff to Sawyer’s cabin. This road was narrower, hadn’t been plowed as recently but Darby had told her Sawyer’s cabin was the only one on the road. Impossible to miss.

  It took almost ten minutes before she reached a driveway. That long again to convince herself to drive up to the house. If she’d misunderstood Darby, she might be about to scare the bejeepers out of some man who would be as likely to answer the door with a shotgun as with a question.

  Inching up to the house, Myla knew instantly it was the correct one. Cozy log cabin. Huge garage to the side. Deck that wrapped around to the front. The snow had piled up in the time they’d been away but the wide driveway and paths had obviously been cleared by someone with a penchant for neatness. The edges of the snowbanks marched with almost military precision. Two dog houses sat beside the garage.

  The perfect winter getaway.

  Myla kept the car idling as she debated her next steps. If Sawyer didn’t reappear during the night, she’d run out of Darby’s gas and freeze while waiting. That would be totally pathetic.

  As the night closed in around her, Myla started to feel incredibly stupid. Chasing down a man in the middle of the night. A man who, if he did come home, would be exhausted. A man who had made it clear he didn’t want to want her. A man who’d pushed her away.

  Yup, she’d already managed pathetic.

  Maybe she’d leave him a note, except she hadn’t even brought along her purse. Just her keys.

  She tapped her hands on the steering wheel. Stay or go? Be brave, be a coward, or be sensible?

  With a vicious twist, Myla turned off the car and hopped out. She’d at least check to see if he was home. No lights. No smoke from the chimney.

  No harm in knocking.

  The wind laughed at her sweatshirt’s attempt to warm her body and she hugged herself as she shoved through the snow to climb the deck. Instead of knocking on the back door, she made her way to the front, hoping curiosity wasn’t going to kill this cat.

  The view had her stopping in her tracks in awe. In front of the cabin, the trees opened up to show a spectacular view of Bloo Moose Lake.

  A huge deck, including a hot tub, took advantage of the view. The sky was the clearest it had been since she’d arrived in town and the half-moon and stars stood out in stark relief against the black sky. Otherworldly. And no camera to capture the images.

  No Sawyer either as the cabin was locked up tight. When she turned and saw her own tracks through the snow, she realized that not only was there no chance anyone was inside but there was no way to hide the fact that someone had visited in the middle of the night.

  Time to give up and head back. Get some sleep and deal with it all when she wasn’t coasting along on the words she’d written. If this scene was in her book, they’d already by enjoying that hot tub.

  Myla took one last long look at the view. If she had the chance to come back, she’d make sure she had her camera.

  Halfway to the steps, she heard the motor. Distant at first but closing.

  Myla waited for a few moments, listening.

  Closer.

  Had to be Sawyer.

  Nerves ran through her, leaving her immobile as she waffled between stay and run. If only she knew what his reaction would be. If he would push her away like he’d done so many times.

  He might be happy to see her.

  He might not.

  Face flushed with embarrassment, Myla decided to run. This whole thing was far too risky and she wasn’t ready. She’d start with smaller risks. Rocky Road instead of Chocolate Fudge.

  The roar of the machine echoed in the night and she hurried her steps. Close. Too close.

  Her need for speed did her in. She flew off the deck’s top step and completely missed the next three, landing in a puff of snow at the bottom. Sucking in deep gulps of air, Myla floundered around to get some purchase on the slippery ground beneath the snow.

  Gloves would have definitely helped.

  Shaking and suppressing giggles, Myla finally shoved to her feet and headed to Darby’s car.

  As she rounded the corner to the driveway, a light flashed through the trees, highlighting the car.

  Caught.

  Before she could take another step, the snowmachine came into view, the light turned in her direction and blinded her. She threw up her arms in defense as she worked to maintain her balance.

  The light faded, the machine shut off and silence descended as Myla fought to regain her vision along with her composure.

  “What are you doing here, Myla?” Sawyer’s rough question had every girlie part she owned doing a happy dance. That voice sent her heart fluttering all on its own. Add in the intense stare she couldn’t see but knew was aimed in her direction and she was glad she hadn’t left.

  “You're okay?” She licked her lips, swallowed hard, and wish
ed her voice hadn't trembled.

  Instead of answering, he climbed off the snowmobile and pulled off his helmet. The moonlight allowed her to see him but with the light behind him, his face was in shadows, so his expression remained hidden.

  Myla wrapped her arms around her in protection, against the cold and against the potential rejection. “Are you okay?”

  Still, he didn’t answer her. Four long strides and he was in her space, blocking the moon and creating a bubble of shadow in the night.

  For long heartbeats, neither moved or spoke. She knew his eyes were trained on hers but his expression remained hidden in the dark.

  He took another step, his boots on either side of hers, and pulled off his gloves. He shoved them in his pockets and ran his hands up and down her arms, then leaned in until a fairy wing wouldn’t fit between their lips.

  His fingers gripped her shoulders, then pulled her in and up. He rubbed his lips over hers, back and forth and again. His breath heated her skin and she leaned in to close the final gap, felt him smile against her lips.

  The kiss shot fire through her system, making her shudder. His arms wrapped around her and she let out a gasp as her body crashed into his freezing winter gear.

  Sawyer drew back enough to rest his forehead against hers. “I don’t know why but now I am.”

  Myla didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. “What?”

  He grinned at her and kissed her nose. “You asked if I was okay. Now, I am.”

  If her heart hadn't been fluttering like hummingbird wings against her ribs, it might have melted completely then and there. Or maybe it already had.

  "Did you find him and stop him? Is everyone okay? What happened? Where is he now?”

  Sawyer grimaced. "And the nosy reporter raises her head."

  Myla straightened her spine. She’d forgotten he thought she was writing about him. In amidst all her worries, she’d forgotten. Not her best move.

  She wriggled against his hold. “I’m glad you’re okay, Sawyer. I’ll see you later.”

  He didn’t let her go. “Why’d you come out here, Myla?”

  She shook her head. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  His growl rumbled into her. “The real reason. Why’d you come out here?”

  Another head shake.

  “Tell me, Myla.”

  “I don’t know.”

  He bent down so they were eye to eye and shifted her so the moonlight exposed her face. She wanted to run, wanted to hide.

  Sawyer waited and Myla fought with herself.

  And lost. Or won. She’d find that out later.

  “I wanted to see you.”

  He nodded. Waited some more.

  “I wanted to—” her voice trailed off as she decided she was going to focus on showing rather than telling.

  Myla lifted her hands and ran them up his chest and cupped his jaw. His scruffy jaw that hadn’t seen a razor in a few days. She brushed the tips of her fingers over him, shivering at the touch on the sensitive pads.

  Sawyer didn’t move—at all—as she explored his face with her fingers and her lips, then her tongue.

  “You, Sawyer. I want you.”

  His groan made her smile and he kissed her again. Hard.

  Too quickly, he pulled back. This time, he took her shoulders and stepped back, then looked her up and down. “What the hell are you doing outside in the middle of the night without a coat or gloves. Are you crazy?”

  Most likely.

  “Damn it all, Myla, you’re half frozen. Let’s get you inside.”

  She wasn’t going to argue with that.

  He put one arm around her and dug for keys in his jacket pocket. Once they were on the deck, not-so-distant barking disrupted the quiet.

  Sawyer sighed and turned them so her butt rested against the deck railing. “Hang on. Haven’t seen them in a few days, so they’re going to be a little nuts. They’ll be worse if we sneak inside.”

  He unzipped his jacket, pulled her to his chest, and wrapped his jacket and arms around her. Close enough that they lined up in all the right places. When she shifted slightly, it created the best kind of friction, so she shifted again, causing him to groan and do some moving of his own.

  The thump of the dogs against Sawyer’s back shoved them more closely together as he stopped her from toppling backward.

  He captured her laugh in a kiss and they became totally absorbed in each other as the dogs bounded and licked and finally got bored enough to leave them alone.

  “Now, let’s get you really warmed up.” Sawyer grabbed her hand and tugged her into the house, pushing her up against the door as soon as he had it closed. His mouth crashed on hers and tried to devour her.

  She returned the favor.

  Breathing heavily, Sawyer lifted his hands to rest on the door on either side of her head and pulled back. Not far. Too far.

  Her hands were wrapped around his neck and she tried to pull him back but he dropped his head and sighed.

  “Are you sure about this, Myla? Really sure? It’s not a decision to be made lightly.”

  His eyes were serious and his hands still.

  “I’m sure, Sawyer. Very sure. I want to know what it’s like. I want to do this. And I want to do it with you.” She swallowed deep and forced out the question. “And you? Are you sure?”

  He flinched at the question but didn’t break eye contact. “Are you lying to me? Are you writing about me?”

  She kept her eyes and voice steady. “No and no. I write adventure articles. Not exposes. I promise.”

  “I’m going to check you out. I want to see what you’re writing. If you’re lying, I’ll know it.”

  “I don’t have my laptop with me but you can do an online search right now.”

  Those deep chocolate eyes searched hers and she tried to project the truth.

  Sawyer’s eyes closed briefly and when they opened, the heat was enough to melt the lake out there. He leaned down and kissed her again, gently enough to make her knees wobble.

  “No regrets afterward.”

  It was a statement, not a question but she answered it anyway. “No regrets. I promise. And the same goes for you. No regrets.”

  His chuckle rumbled through every place they touched and made her whimper.

  After another kiss, he pulled back enough to lean his forehead on hers. “I’ve been in the bush for two long days. I smell like I’ve been in the bush for two long days. I’m going to shower. You’re going to be here when I’m done.”

  She raised her eyebrow at that. “Then you’d better hurry.”

  He barked out a laugh and kissed her briefly. “I’ve got all kinds of incentive. I’ll hurry.”

  He stepped back and started shedding his winter gear. “Make yourself at home. Find something to drink. Or eat. Or watch. Read. Whatever. It’s fine if you change your mind. We’ll talk or watch something. Anything. Just. Do. Not. Leave.”

  Watching him take off layers pretty much ensured that. Still dressed in sweats, he wrapped his hand around her neck and drew her in for another seductive kiss. “Five minutes. Give me five minutes.”

  She nodded and watched him disappear through the kitchen. It took her at least one of those minutes to build the energy to push herself off the door. Her muscles were heavy, slow-moving like she’d been drugged. By his touch. His kisses.

  Water splashing down the hall had her stepping in that direction but she stopped. Her leg would be more than obvious in the shower and she wasn’t that brave.

  Soap bubbles would be cascading down Sawyer’s muscles making interesting trails that she could follow with her hands and her tongue. The scent of his shampoo would wrap around her, filling her up with him while she filled her hands with those muscles.

  Myla’s skin flushed everywhere and she took the time to slip her feet out of her boots, leaving the support inside. In the kitchen, she dropped her keys on the table and wondered if she should turn and go.

  Nope. Time
to ease up on the shields and take a risk.

  With her body.

  Not her heart.

  Sawyer had made it clear he wanted her but that was all about the lust.

  She had to put her hand on the counter to steady herself at the thought of all the lust. Wow. Her imagination was spinning all kinds of wonderful scenarios. She was probably making it too big, too important. Too impossible.

  People had sex all the time. It would be pleasurable. Fulfilling. Good.

  Poor man had no idea what kinds of expectations her imagination had created for him. For them.

  What if it was awful?

  It could be awful. She might be really bad at it.

  Myla edged back toward her keys. She didn’t want to see disappointment in his eyes. Worse, pity.

  Taking down her shields was dumb. Taking risks was dumber.

  Time to leave.

  Her hand grabbed for her keys at the same moment as two powerful arms wrapped around her from behind. “Chickening out, Myla?”

  His breath nuzzled her neck and she automatically tilted to give him better access. Her nerves morphed from run-for-the-hills to we’re-going-to-do-this nerves.

  Instead of grabbing her keys, her hands wrapped around his arms, pulling him tighter into her. His breath was half relief, half laugh. “Thank God.”

  With their bodies aligned from shoulders to knees, there was no mistaking Sawyer’s arousal and every girlie part Myla owned cheered.

  Spinning in his arms, she found the alignment even better, especially since he wore only a pair of low slung jeans. Unbuttoned. Leaving his chest uncovered.

  Her heartbeat accelerated way past crisis levels. The man was built like a warrior. Her eyes devoured the plains and angles and the soft trail of hair that disappeared into those jeans.

  Myla let her fingers trail over his chest and up to his shoulders, enjoying the flinch of his muscles wherever she brushed. The lower her fingers traveled, the more intense the flinches.

  Power surged through her and Myla smiled as her fingers continued to brush over him. She’d have never believed that she’d be able to cause this kind of reaction.

  Feeling brave, Myla eased her fingers lower, brushing each muscle ridge slowly. When she reached the edge of his jeans, her daring left her and she moved her hands back up. A strangled chuckle had her flushing and her fingers returned to trace the skin along the edge of his jeans again.